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Pictures in the Sky

by SCARPA

/
1.
I don't wanna go to that place I don't wanna go and see your face 'Cause your face will remind me and I'll start to cry And those standing by me, I'm sure they'll wonder why Why everything's so hard for me and why I can't just deal It's been two years, it's long enough I shouldn't have to feel like it's the first day I"m all out of beer, it's too late to buy more So I'll just sit in silence longing for an open liquor store But then again, I shouldn't drive there in this state New Jersey is a bitch So are the cops in Franklin Lakes and in Haledon And everything's so hard for me and I just cannot deal Since 2003 sobriety's been too much of an ideal to hold on to
2.
I’m throwing up in the Palisades Mall parking garage There’s vomit on my hair and beard; I wish I didn’t have a beard I respond to your text message in a way I think is cute and funny But you haven’t responded so now I’m feeling despondent Yes I’ve been drinking, isn’t that obvious? All these late lonely nights lead me to desperation I don’t know what I should do, don’t really know if I want this But you still haven’t responded, maybe I went too far I don’t know what I’m doing I’m making all the best mistakes I’m pushing the envelope For the first time in awhile I still have hope But now I don’t, oh well I waited for you last Thursday, idling my engine ‘cause it’s too cold All that polar vortex bullshit, but there’s a drink that makes me warm Now I know I’ve gone too far ‘cause you still haven’t responded That’s the problem with technology - instant communication is a fallacy What am I getting at? Do I wanna go down this road? But that doesn’t matter ‘cause I don’t think you like me And I’m not sure if I like you, ‘cause maybe I just like the potential for attention But either way, I think I’ve given up I don’t know what I’m doing I’m making all the best mistakes I’m pushing the envelope For the first time in awhile I still have hope But now I don’t, oh well After my fifth rum and coke, I’ll say whatever comes to mind After my ninth rum and coke, I’m blind I don’t know what I’m doing I’m making all the best mistakes I’m pushing the envelope For the first time in awhile I still have hope But now I don’t, oh well
3.
I've never been someone of circumstance I've never been someone like you But now it's time to face these feelings Inadequacy's not too far from the truth Take a look outside, there's strange things overhead Unnatural formations in the air Is this a grand conspiracy or just my insecurity? I might be too far gone to care Airplanes drawing pictures in the sky I never seem to question why I wonder how they fly! Airplanes drawing pictures in the sky I've been restless and I only want to say please It leaves me wanting so much more Every day is soaking me with anticipation Still as it were one moment before Regrets will have to stay regrets, that's what I've come to learn Last summer seemed so long ago, but we are all dust and to dust we shall return
4.
Say Nothing 02:36
Let me ask you, why do you accompany me to all of these events and then act so standoffish when you are here? It's almost as if you are embarrassed by the kind of person I am. But I wish you would just man up, because I've had just about enough of this uncertainty. It's gonna be the death of me. Or at least the death of my sobriety. Each time we're hanging out I can't help staring at you because you are extremely beautiful. And each time you glance back at me it always seems sarcastically. I know that you're afraid to let me in but I want to grab you and pull you close towards me. I want to stick my tongue down your throat. I want us to salivate so much we get moisture rash all over our lips. I hope that you catch my cold. And when I hear you cough, I'll know that it's because we spent 15 minutes making out.
5.
Strawberry babe, you don't know how to behave Write the place off for good I saw you there with your strawberry hair Just like I knew I would Should I stay out? I've been coming in to work too late I should be good and go to bed I'll just have one drink, "Keep it open", "Can I get another one?" Soon enough it's gone to my head Strawberry babe, you don't know how to behave Write the place off for good I saw you there with your strawberry hair Just like I knew I would Walk in to the place I always regret in the morning But it's pretty comfortable for hell One of my organs is failing or maybe it's just acid reflux Buy three more drinks? Might as well Strawberry babe, you don't know how to behave Write the place off for good I saw you there with your strawberry hair Just like I knew I would Go outside, bum another cigarette Make the best of what you have Even when the place is packed and push comes to shove All you get is pain from the less crowded path It's all in the past, now I'm all by my lonesome Nothing to do but lie in bed Drinking cheap scotch from a glass my brother gave me for my birthday What good is love when your heart is dead?
6.
A cloud of darkness hangs over me I wish I didn't have so much empathy 'Cause when you worry, it worries me And I give you lots of reasons to worry It seems like every day my life is falling further apart And I wish I could make it better There's something about the mountains that brings me down And I don't think that it's the weather Why don't I wander through the desert? Maybe Nevada would be better than here And when I re-emerge defeated Will you soothe my sunburned skin and wipe away my tears? But I'm not really gonna do that 'Cause I don't really have the guts I'm just gonna sit in my parents' basement and pretend there's nothing else out in the world And maybe one day a tree will fall down and hit me and I'll die on accident And maybe somehow my brain will just start working But I don't believe it Until then, this is what I have to deal with until then Until then, I'll cry on a semi-weekly basis until then Until then, I'll keep making dangerous mistakes until then Until then, my life is going nowhere until then Until then...
7.
If I can drink the rest, I won't feel so bad If I can drink the rest, I won't feel so bad If I am lucky enough, I'll drink until I'm dead That will stop the record from playing over in my head It says "you can't build something from nothing" so I'll never have any worth At least if I am dead, I'll finally get to ride in a hearse If I can drink the rest, I won't feel so bad If I can drink the rest, I won't feel so bad If I lit a candle for every person I pushed away I could make the midnight sky look just like it was day But soon enough, I'll forget all of that as I drink more and more Either I'll cry myself to sleep or smile as I pass out If I can drink the rest, I won't feel so bad If I can drink the rest, I won't feel so bad Awake, aware, alone, and unable to cope Bourbon on the table, I'll take a gulp Awake, aware, alone, and unable to cope Bourbon on the table, I'll take a gulp If I can drink the rest, I won't feel so bad If I can drink the rest, I won't feel so bad If I can drink the rest, I won't feel so bad If I can drink the rest, I won't feel so bad
8.
My life is in a bad place I'm just a victim of circumstance I try to face my fears But I just end up shitting my pants, metaphorically I kissed a girl and she tasted like oranges and cream I loved her too much and it put me in a haze And I cried for 30 days The first one is the worst I fell too hard too soon My future ended abruptly, but at least Now I was free to be what I wanted to be I kissed a girl who tasted like Bacardi and chocolate I drank too much and it put me in a haze But I was fine for 30 days Greeting cards and films Shoutouts on the radio Our tears stained the roots on the ground So I took shelter in abandoned missile silos alone I kissed a girl who tasted like vomit and cement I didn't care 'cause I was still in a haze And she cried for 30 days I had negative one week to breathe for the last time The snow it never melted, but I Didn't seem to mind - I was blind I kissed a girl whose taste never stayed the same My mind was clear and I spent too many days Wishing I was in a haze Now I kiss a boy and he tastes like beer and cigarettes I work too hard and it puts me in a haze I've spent the last 200 days Sick and numb to the pain That's tearing at my brain But my loss will be my gain Once my life goes down the drain I love the sewer I'm friends with the rats That big one's Bob, he bought me a hat But I'm not wearing it 'cause it's too small I guess I'm bigger than that after all Adulthood's got me down And even though I feel depressed I keep hearing in my mind the words of a famous transcendentalist: "I am a parcel of vain strivings tied By a chance bond together, Dangling this way and that, their links Were made so loose and wide, Methinks, For milder weather."

credits

released May 15, 2017

words and music by SCARPA

additional lyrics on "Pictures in the Sky" and "If I Can Drink the Rest" by Freddy Levine
drum programming and backing vocals by Steve Carter

recorded by Steve Carter and The Fluu at Solace Music Group
mastered by Kyle Gilbride

album photo by Richard Law

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