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tempvs fvckit

by SCARPA

/
1.
i’m not in love with you anymore, in fact I never was but tell that to the whiskey, tell that to the vodka! i shouldn’t be on the road right now, can’t legally consent but tell that to the whiskey, tell that to the vodka! my carefully cultivated exterior Is crumbling faster than my self respect i shouldn’t really call you when I get this way but I lost all logic when I poured that poison down my throat i’ve never heard of the mourning tide receding to the shore of a well-greased corporate engine provided by the capital attar says that the sea’s the sea whatever one drop thinks and all things are but masks they are symbols that instruct us my not-so-well-maintained interior is falling prey to several cruel demands that dictate that I settle for what was proposed by so many experts who convened a panel on my fate i might as well damn it to hell cause i’ve lost my grip on reality and i’ve no respect for your authority it’s a hard sell i might as well damn it to hell cause i have no sense of propriety and i have no words for posterity i might as well
2.
time and again i find myself at a loss to remember what happened last night but i feel in my face through my mind via my inner monologue something ain’t right false prevarications, calm and cool consternation, it’s all fading as quick as i blink i can’t find my wallet and i can’t find my car and god damn i wish i had a drink every bone in my body started hurting at the same time all my anxieties came up at once to the front of my mind i just got sad about all of my exes at the same time i always say I’ll be dead by next year but I ain’t really tryin’ this shit ain’t working and we’re bored and we’re lurking so the five of us decide to take pills made in a lab someone stole from their dad but i can’t imagine that it’s safe hours have passed, i’m lying down in the grass, and i’m nauseous and covered in dew we say never again and we cancel our plans but at least I got fucked up with you every bone in my body started hurting at the same time all my anxieties came up at once to the front of my mind i puked in the bedroom, the hallway, the tub at the same time i promised myself that I’d be better than that but I guess I was lying let’s pass out and get breakfast in the morning soothe the hangover with pancakes and coffee (if that doesn’t work then I guess we’ll smoke some weed) i’ve been drunk every night of the weekend and even most of the week let’s hold each other until we fall asleep
3.
just a break in the rain / to open up my door and make me come around again another person who cares / another thing to believe just gonna weigh me down again another sunday night at one of three bars in town I guess we’re feeling affable but it’s too late now, the bus is pulling in and quite frankly it’s laughable i asked you on a different day and said you wouldn’t anyway but what good will that do if neither of us has a spine i think i’m falling apart / i’m giving way at the seams i think i’m falling apart my friend i think i’m drifting away / i’m getting lost in the waves i think i’m falling apart again just an onslaught of rain / to wash away everything that made this nearly bearable another freezing night / the warm embrace of the dark i’ll see you at the funeral and the gutter’s overflowing with shit but that’s the best place for it plus what does it matter? everybody’s already learned i think i’m falling apart / i’m giving way at the seams i think i’m falling apart my friend i think i’m drifting away / i’m getting lost in the waves i think i’m falling apart again
4.
i've got some problems, yes, that much is true but life's been okay for the past month or two i've run out of complaints, same old shit, nothing new... except you and i've got no complaints about you, oh no a hand to hold onto when my world is dark someone to walk by my side in the park pizza and star trek and mario kart ain't so bad you could almost say i was glad (and i would be if i didn't have depression) everything's ok / things could be better, things could be worse everything's ok / love's gonna make it a whole light brighter everything's ok / things could be better, things could be worse everything's ok / love's gonna make it a whole light brighter now if all the depths of my pain could be revealed you would not think i could get even out of bed but instead, yes, instead, i'm smiling instead cuz of you everything is ok cuz of you everything's ok / things could be better, things could be worse everything's ok / love's gonna make it a whole light brighter everything's ok / things could be better, things could be worse everything's ok / love's gonna make it a whole light brighter now
5.
dislike 03:51
i was walking down the stairs today and my knees ached with every bend and step i’m only 31 years old, but it feels like 60 my body’s always sore and i don’t even drink that much anymore can you dislike yourself in a way? inside my head i’m fine / on the outside, everything’s falling down can you dislike yourself in a way? i wonder if my friends still like me even though i ignore them can you dislike yourself in a way? can you dislike yourself in a way that’s not so hurtful? can you dislike yourself in a way that it feels alright? can you dislike yourself in a way that’s optimistic? can you dislike yourself in a way? another day, another week, another year it’s the friends theme song playing inside my head can you dislike yourself in a way? looking back I guess they’re all psychopaths, but who am I to judge anyone on that? can you dislike yourself in a way? can you dislike yourself in a way that’s not destructive? can you dislike yourself in a way that doesn’t feel contrite? can you dislike yourself in a way that isn’t too infectious? can you dislike yourself in a way? i think the opportunities I am losing are inaccurate, misleading at best it’s my responsibility to figure them out, but that’s something I’m not gonna address, oh no can you dislike yourself in a way that’s unimportant? can you dislike yourself in a way that it feels alright? can you dislike yourself in a way that it seems cathartic? can you dislike yourself in a way? all right
6.
yesterday i was brushing my hair after i got out of the shower my girlfriend was standing behind me and staring at the back of my head she had a puzzled look on her face, an expression that filled me with dread she took a picture on her phone and showed me that my hair was thinning out i’ve always feared that this day would come and I really don’t know what to do i’ve never liked myself but at least I had my hair people told me it was shiny and pretty and soft and healthy and full but now my hair is falling falling out the one thing I had any control, over i could drape it over my face, run my hands through the soft waves but pretty soon there’ll be nothing but bald spots and a bad combover i guess my hair is falling falling out yes my hair is fucking falling out i’m the ugliest person that ever lived i’m fat and gross and i’m losing all my hair smoking cigarettes in the rain all alone and i’m losing my hair i’ll never be pretty again cause i’m fucking losing my hair what’s the point?
7.
in 2006 i charged my phone once a week it’s 2019 now it dies in three hours something must’ve changed when i was asleep now I’m 32 years old and i’ve never felt stranger (i’ve not written this line for what seems like so long) the world’s getting hotter and the winters are colder i’ve aged several months since I’ve started this song if I ever record it I’ll be even older there are two brands of cereal bars i ate in my childhood kellogg’s nutri grain and entenman’s multi-grain i thought one was delicious and the other was too dry for years I avoided buying either cause I couldn’t remember which one I liked it finally dawned on me it was nutri grain it tasted just like i remembered, but it’s nothing like i remember seems like 2020 is starting off strong australia’s on fire and qasem soleimani but the internal chaos that’s plagued me for so long is a timeless endeavor / the only constant in this life "so we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past." -f. scott fitzgerald THE END

credits

released June 25, 2021

words and music by SCARPA

danni scarpa - vocals, guitar, bass, keyboard
bill deatly-peluso - drums
molly venom - beats on "polden' na lysoy gore"

mixed by kyle gilbride
mastered by steve carter

album cover design by danni scarpa

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